Minion Diaries

This is a diary of 20 days of my life on a course that I explained and shared by giving minion characters

DAY 1

This Morning I arrived and found that there are 39 of us standing here and honestly have no idea what is going to happen the next 19 days.

Arranged in a perfect international racial demographic, this group of people got thrown together all in a hope of bettering themselves and some to get out of the current home situation they are in, etc. Age demographic also perfectly balanced from green out of school to veterans that has been running their own businesses for a lot of years.

Rollcall was taken like the first day of school and we each got given a perfectly written name tag that has to be worn daily.

We also got told that we now have a daily uniform that will ensure that equality is maintained throughout the group. Plain black from head to toe, and please ensure guys you are cleanly shaven, no stubble and girls makeup, hair and nails has to be on point or else there will be a demerit system.

Too Many demerits and you will get asked to leave the course.

What just blew my mind was that they can treat a group of paying adults like a group of kids that has no idea how to be a person. They were very fast to tell you that you are now nothing and none of your previous life experience, work experience or just plain life that you have lived counts. They will now over the next 19 days mould you into the person they need you to be.

DAY 2

The real chief in charge arrived today, like pawns the group lined up for military style inspection and degrading about their choice of clothing, shoes, socks and hairstyle. Mr Dude almost gives the impression that he is constipated all the time and really uncomfortable.

Standing in front of the group starting his moulding job, with his nervous twitches, over and over. Not only is he totally rude but also is out to get people to leave, or wants a reason to kick them out.

First Assessment is a "introduce yourself" speech of 10minutes. Once you are done, Mr Dude then critiques your style of speaking and weather or not he likes your story. Almost a bit entitled and brain washed himself by what has to happen.

By the end of the day today, I realised that he has memorised everything he has to tell us in a military style, word by word, with the correct punctuation out of the 300 odd page manual that we got asked to print ourselves.

The end of each day, the lecture facility gets cleaned in true military style of each person gets a job and beware of the person that screws that up. Burpees will be done until you cannot stand up anymore

DAY 3

The 80% humidity had caught up to the minions and I today🔥🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵I was literally damp and stinky all day😩🤢 I don't stink anymore🙃though I had a nice shower and defo feel better.

I decided to stick to minions.... Because a pawn will just be rude and when they all walk around the hall when it’s Pack up time in the afternoon, they look like disorganised minions running around accomplishing nothing😂 Just to give you an overview of what I am looking at daily.

The dude in charge … from now on to be referred to as mr dude has “bak oortjes” and to be honest when I cannot listen any longer…I just look at his ears…. Thank my lucky stars I do not have a company picture like his….Right....Move along swiftly🤣😵‍💫 Because I will just cry if mine had to look like his🙈😱poor thing.

More about today😃 today’s speech didn’t happen I got a “feedback” call where we need to give “constructive type feedback” to the person who spoke and because mine was constructive enough I did escape his marking claws today🙃😳

Although I cannot see ill be so lucky the next time. I did spend my morning though listening to minions that has no clue and definitely has not read or opened the manual aka "your new life instruction manual"

Or They did but just have no comprehension as to what they should remember😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫boy that was a LONG morning.

After lunch we tackled a new topic. Postural and foot analysis and luckily stuff like that makes me tick💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻 So I got myself some like minded minions aka the bio and the physio and we spent our afternoon putting together our seminar for Sunday🎉 We are doing a group presentation on Sunday. Exam 🙄

Honestly mr dude knows his subject and thankfully knows how to public speak so he doesn’t put us all to sleep😛 that's if you can ignore his lip licking, head twitching nervous antics

So for the next 16 days I will grin and bear and smile nicely🤪 So I get a good placement🤭😃

Thank fully I don’t have to listen to him tomorrow and Friday💪🏻💪🏻 We doing Pilates practical sessions. Going to be interesting but luckily we have one of Cape Towns best pilates instructors coming in and I am looking forward to that.

DAY 4

Minion news🎉💪🏻 So in todays bulletin of what happened with the minions today😛 People its easier to teach African Grey parrots to repeat what you say and do than it is with this lot🙈😩 Gosh!

What a day! I have sore abs, and just a sore body. Not so much from the exercises we did but the amount of times we had to repeat it because someone got it either wrong or just didn’t comprehend whatsoever😭

We started the day at 7am with a class and just continued to class all day😱🤷🏻‍♀️ Those of you on strava and Garmin Will see I recorded two sessions👀 But I promise you I pretty much spend my day in some or other Pilates “hold” position 🤢 And the amount of breathing I did I am sure I doubled my allowed oxygen intake for the day🤣🤣and stole someone else’s😂😂😂

Loved our instructor she is good and in an attempt to get my assessment out the way volunteered to teach a part of the volunteer class loved it🤷🏻‍♀️😛 Only to find out at 3:45 this afternoon that I did not dodge that bullet😩🙄🙄 So tomorrow it’s assessment

But I did get told off by the minions because I made them do 8 inchworms with push-ups🤣🙈 It’s in the parrot program that we have to know…..and teach….. and it says 8 inchworm movements, with a plank hold on the down and up, with 6 three stage push ups in between So that is what i did🤣🤣😛😛😛

Oh and the best is yet to come…. On Monday I cleared my “neutral almost khaki grey brown nail and toe colour gel with the higher powers aka the placement manager. Mr dude told me off coz it’s purple🤪😱yes it’s purple people…khaki is purple👀😳

This morning’s uniform inspection…by a female ex nail tech……lovely applied make up and Love the neutral neat colour on your hands and feet🤣😂 Clearly male’s shouldn’t be doing nail colour inspections🤭🤭🤭

15 days to go💪🏻💪🏻

DAY 5 - ITS MY BIRTHDAY !!!!

Still had to get up super early and there is no rest for the wicked.

In today’s version of what happened with the minions🙃 So our very demographically correct group 🟤⚪️⚫️🟠continued to be coached in "How to teach a class and to cue…" aka how to explain a movement to a person so they can do it with out watching you😳🙄

Goodness😭that's hard work. And in all honestly I actually feel sorry for some of them as English is a third language 💩💩💩for some of them and they are really struggling and running out of English words. My volunteer class yesterday was my assessment, and she kept the 4 of us in suspense until 3:15 this afternoon to tell us that🙈🙈

At lunch time I got a happy birthday song that was sweet and they all kept making sure I was enjoying my day, so I appreciated it all. So every hour today 8 of us got another group of minions to help😱😩

And I never have a problem to coach and help because that is what I Love doing BUT…. at 3:15 I couldn’t even say my own name with out my tongue twisting.

Now I am going to bed, tomorrow is gym sessions spinning and bootcamp, and I cannot wait to just do what I need to do and just Ignore the lot that doesn’t know what to do And we have a shorter day 8-15

DAY 6

Today the minions got taught how to teach a spinning class....Bearing in mind that of the 39 minions we are Three Spinning instructors and 5 others that has done spinning classes.... The others have not even put their butt on a saddle nor do they know how to reach the pedals and handlebars without falling over....

🚳 THANK goodness spinning bikes are balanced on four "feet" and not two wheels.🤣😜 Needless to say some of them has not sweated that much in their entire life and the others all walked like ducks after 20mins of riding.🤪

All I have to say about the apparent "MASTER CLASS" is that the instructor is no master and honestly made me just shake my head in disbelief and the three qualified instructors just stuck to "NO COMMENT" in Afrikaans we have a saying...." Stil bly is ook n antwoord" and boy does that ring true. NEXT UP...Bootcamp class...

....Right continued Bootcamp class instructions were....Instruction for planning your bootcamp - You are not allowed today to use simplex/Single Movements it has to be a complex aka multiple muscle group actions.....AND Today you cannot use any form of Squat, Sit up or Push up

….AND...

Most importantly YOU NEVER plan jump movements because of the constant movement I kid you not....

THE first movement we got from the first person instruction....

PLYO SPLIT SQUATS......Yup you read right....

Alternating jump squats/Alternating jumping lunges.....

You are going...really.....YUP...

And it got better Really🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄, Squat push up , jumps and the best move of the day.....

FROG or THROUGH squat jumping up to shoulder press.... YES...…

I just refused to do some of the moves and I just got a nod from Mr Dude.....

Afterward I apologised for being otherwise, but I am not prepared to get injured because people are incredibly stupid.

The honest truth is.....the 19 - 26 year old range has NO idea how to do this safely and you have to cater for older people too...….

The damage the cross fit industry is doing the whole fitness industry is scary....because its like the young people just loose all common sense when it comes to programming and its everything has to be as fast as possible, as hard as possible and as heavy as possible BUT the day is done...

I burned nearly 1000 calories today and we are moving on swiftly towards the seminar exam tomorrow and Monday.

DAY 7

Today marks 7 days of straight information and movement with no rest and the Minion adventures continues🤣🙄

Today I just shake my head in disbelief that people can be so…. I don’t even have words, disrespectful towards themselves and others around them.

Show up…unprepared and just assume you can get others’ prep notes for your own.

Today…yes…this minion walks up to us…so what do we need to do…sees my prep on my clipboard and continues to grab it out my hand and wants to take it…👀no😱

I made notes and got to bed at a decent time, up until I have that contract in my hand I am just as dependant on performance as any other minion there….

So today was a hard day to stay awake because public speaking is not everyone’s forte and it needs to become😱😩 Oh my gawd😳😳😳

When you are standing in front of me…at least do me the curtesy of getting the info correct even if you just say the sentence as it’s in your book🙄

Reminder Peoples - bullet point cue’s are there so your brain remembers the concept you need to explain. You do not say ok….now we are going to do the so and so analogy and write it on a white board in a hand writing that no one can read😭😭😭😭 25 of those😩Yup 25….only 8 of the 25 passed the assessment because they didn’t listen.

When we did this he specifically said to pass your assessment you need to say and do A B C😱 Then you do it. And the best bit was….if you get stopped and reminded what the feedback structure has to be….you ignore instructions and you just carry on with your own thing🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️…. Fail….full stop….

Some of the purpose of this course is to see if you can follow instructions🤷🏻‍♀️….some of them are just 🤣🤣🤣I cannot even find the words to explain

I am definitely up tomorrow, and I am nervous because is the most important bit of the talk that we need to get the info in the right order too🙄🙈 But all in all another day done🤪

It is now 23:45 - Minion update - That Minion that took my notes out of my hand....Just sent me a WhatsApp - he wants my notes on the section for tomorrow.....Uhm.... So I politely quoted him the pages in the manual its on and where the videos with the info can be found. Was I horrible🤪🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Right...Signing off .

Day 8

🤭minion saga continues.🤣🤣🤣 Lets start with the good parts. I passed the assessment and was really comfy with the presentation. Mr Dude had a meeting with the international ops manager to sign off placements🤭so we are hoping to find out things soon.

Then honestly I don’t even know how to explain it. 50% of the class honestly does not listen and honestly I cannot see how they will ever make it in a high pressure environment😱

Just so we clear I am not fond of Mr Dude But I am actually at a point where I feel sorry for him because he has to listen to then spewing crap 💩💩💩💩

So🤣🤣🤭 Today was LONG and way too much had to be done and minion that messaged last night tried 5 other people too🤣😱they all said the same thing🤪 I will leave that there for tonight 🤣🤣

DAY 9

There is light at the end of the tunnel for a few of them!

Some really improved on their skills from the last talk to today, and the one guy I am really proud of because he was honestly not the best, but he worked on the points he was given and today was 300% better.

The others ….ja….ne...…

So today was a lot of info - and some of it brand new to some, my brain nearly fried by lunch time so I can just imagine how they felt.

But I went and I pulled myself towards my self and shuffled my brain files into nutrition mode and got all my ducks in a row. We have no idea if you are going to talk or if you are going to give feedback.

BUT it looks like he is giving the guys that struggle a bit extra chances to improve and redeem themselves HE was much more relaxed today and looks like he placed everyone he could, and got it approved.

He didn't say it in so many words, but he kept calling people for info and he dropped a line company name on me this morning when I took my stuff he wanted to check. SO we will see where I go.

GROWTH takes PLACE OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE, so I am embracing this process. Sharpening my skills and knowledge to be able to be even better at what I do.

DAY 10

🙃🙃 Todays news …it was a freakishly long day😩😩😩 And a few minions deserves to be just dropped🤪

We got lulled to sleep by people waffling in the front that was totally un prepared😱😱😱seriously!

Go study people. And it was not even that they just didn’t talk well they spoke a load of crap, half of which didn’t make sense💩💩💩💩💩 And honestly to sit through that from 7:30 to 12 is pure torture🙈🤢

I got a feedback session so I didn’t do my seminar but it just means that I will be doing one for the consultation exam.

The chances are that next week he will throw in one unexpectedly He is trying to help the ones that are struggling and giving them lots of chances to improve.

In all honestly he is a saint for putting up with some of them👀👀👀 I would’ve done a minion drop kick long time ago🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Placement news. 6 colleagues got their placements today their paperwork was checked on Monday. It’s all very exciting!

My paper work was checked yesterday., and he had a boss man meeting again tonight so let’s hope It’s late I know but my phone ran flat and I had to go do some homework for the spinning exam.

DAY 11

Yoga day🧘‍♂️🧘‍♂️🧘‍♂️🧘‍♂️🧘‍♂️ It was an overall positive experience and all that counts at this stage is that there is only 8 days left🤭🤣 I’m in a constant over stimulated state🤣🤣

More details in tomorrow’s news Now I’m going to bed😴😴😴

DAY 12

Minion town news! Firstly! 12! Days done and really glad about it. In fact every one, sighed some relief when we left yesterday. The mood for the two yoga days has been positive, Light and encouraging.

None of the heavy negativity that has been hanging around. A lot of us then identified the mood as Mr Dude and he confirmed it when…. he marched in there at some stage during the day, greeting no one just walking by like we don’t exist and putting on his fake smile before talking to our yoga instructor.

Mood instantly changed.

There was then a group decision to change our mood and literally drown him out. What in the end was identified, a lot of them are trying a copy paste version of his info and seminars, and half of them cannot even say some of the words.

Subsequently they go blank stutter and waffle 🙄🙈 After some group discussions we then reached a group Decision Just be “YOU”

The problem started when he said, I changed me and my personality when I work, into a different person and then I am successful, if you cannot do that you will not be successful😡😡😡

Now don't get me wrong, we all have different hats between work and our personal life BUT….you do not leave all things good and great about your personality on the side and become a person who is just not nice to deal with.

What they all realized was that the moment they put their own stamp on it they flourish, as seen with the yoga and some of them implemented it into their practice seminar and BOB’s YOUR UNCLE!

No stuttering info coming out in order and coherent.

So people for the next 7 days that is the mission. BE YOU, BE POSITIVE, MAKE A DIFFERENCE and drown out negativity💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻 Practicals again. Spin, TRX and stretch🌺🌺🌺

DAY 13

Saturday News in Minion Town I have just sat and done homework like a good student for the last 5 hours LOL

Spinning and Other practical's all done now!

YAY The attitude was so much more positive today and we even got a few smiles out of Mr Dude He still had his moments though🤪🙄🙄

Homework is our main consults we do with the whole nutrition and body scans so its right in my field of what I do!

DAY 14

Yes Yes I am a couple of hours out! Its Sunday evening already LOL Today was interesting as we did some more body composition analysis gadget training - and health and fitness gadgets is a thing LOL, and makes my work easier hahahaha

The sad reality is, that there are defo a few minions that is not going to make it. the 4 weakest links got asked to do Consultation exams today and all failed.

The worse part was I had to sit through one as the "client" and honestly I was so frustrated for the guy,😢🙈🙄

I do not think he is dumb....he just has no comprehension of English. He might be able to read and write it. But does not fully comprehend what he is reading or saying AND...he has really bad pronunciation, no one is going to understand him.

So he asks wrong questions, wrong assumptions, does not listen to what you are saying etc. If he treats a client like that....it will be the end of him, so its safer for him to not go yet.

This week coming now is finals of everything. I will defo be inline for a couple of them this week! but we can do this. !

DAY 15

Good Evening, I know there are some of you waiting for this before you go to bed! 🤣🤪 So here it is. Minion NEWS.....

Today it was my turn to forget something and get "YOU HAVE FAILED YOUR ASSESSMENT COME SEE ME" attitude🙄🤣🤣🤣

To give you some background I actually checked something this morning and he used it against me, and just decided he is not going to give me any rope. He is a bit like that, almost like het gets an achievement badge if he can publically reprimand you or give you "verbal" council. I realised immediately that I made the mistake and took it in my stride,

BUT that just killed the morale of the class, because he only passed 4 of the 18 that went for assessments this morning ,

AND what didn't help he failed the good people....so the ones that aren't so strong was really in a panic. 😤😡😡 I honestly sat there PRAYED really hard for him to stop - and GOD NEVER FAILS....next consult he stopped as he saw the class morale was spiralling down.

TO me that is a WIN....🤣🤣 I went and saw him lunch time and asked for his feed back he wrote..... Pipes up....you didn't do too badly actually just missed the safety check so I couldn't pass you...….

ALL THAT DRAMA....

for you to get a badge of failing some one you haven't been able to fault yet. SO WE move on!

Tomorrow is more consults and exams. Wednesday is make or Break day for exams a written one, and then we will be going into the other consults we haven't done yet. ANYHOOO!! That's it from me..

DAY 16

On this eve before our written exam I am going to give you a quick minion overview

Another two minions got sent home at lunchtime today, but that was not a surprize as they have been given chance after chance after chance

DAY 17

Today the atmosphere was a bit lighter than yesterday, By far not less stressed as no one really knows what he is going to ask us next There was only a few again that got the pass grade, but saying that I do honestly feel for him as some of these guys are really trying to wing it. He gives us 45 mins for 6 calculations yesterday in class and 1 meal plan for homework. .

This morning there are people doing it as they walk into class. REALLY!!!! That's when it was the last straw.

This afternoon was fairly low key, some stretch classes and recovery aids etc. so nothing too intense, BUT...Tomorrow is exam day and boy do we know it.

ANY HOO! so no idea what I am still going to do or not do....that will be determined by him later after the written exam I think. But that is me signing off.....

DAY 18

In minion news I got a placement. Details I will let you all Know once I have a contract in my hand. But extremely excited🎉🎉

Further news more minions got sent home. And no I’m not off the hook yet. I have a consultation and seminar to do do tomorrow

Exam marks we will only know tomorrow. Wasn’t too bad. I expected much worse and longer😃

DAY 19

To start…all excitement put on hold…wait for it…due to government that cannot supply the paper that our needed paper work that needs to be printed on. And due to the format changing …and the new rules all of us will have to be shuffled or moved to a place that accepts them without. Or we need to get an alternative one🙄🙄🙄

Anyhoo!! We are still on and everything has been passed.

Tomorrow is a lot of admin and our uniforms came but the shirts are those super small sizes that only petite bodies fit in🙄 So I had to take them back She did say she will be able to get me others 🙃 Now that it’s done….

Another 3 minions got sent home and 5 didn't get their uniform due to assessments that hasn’t been passed. So the saga continues🤣🤣 One more day!! ‎

CONCLUSION

Minion news conclusion This update just about took me 2 days to write🤣🤣 My brain cells literally packed up on Friday.

So mr Dude pictured above was his un charming self with his fake smile for 19.5 days And then turned into a human being🙄

We were all so shocked we had no idea what to do with it.

The long and the short of it 30 of the 39 graduated. We had a mini celebration with some dancing singing and a lot of photos.

Most will be placed and working in the next week or two. The others will go in the new year.

Companies has a staff freeze over this period due to it being busy and inductions then is a pain in the butt. I got a placement allocation- a dream opportunity and then because of government not having paper for our paperwork had to give it away and are now awaiting my new allocation.

I do think by Tuesday it will all be sorted and once I have a plane ticket I will give you all the details🤪

For now this week I am getting back into normality - if there is such a thing lol.

Thank you all for walking with me this last 19 days.

What did I learn of myself this last 3 weeks.

Well besides work stuff and tools we have to use.

I learned that I do not tolerate negative bullshit well.

I learned that I am a good trainer in all aspects and a teacher at heart

I learned and remembered I do have a heart for people and want them to become the best they can possibly can.

And then I have absolutely NO tolerance for people that don’t even try when they have the capability Well that’s me!

Over and out on the minion news! ❤️💪🏻